For anyone experiencing domestic violence, numerous barriers can affect his or her ability to seek support, report abuse, or leave the relationship.  Fear of retaliation, feelings of shame about the abuse, isolation, family or cultural pressures to maintain the relationship, and a lack of financial resources are just a few of the complex factors that can impact a survivor.  A person who identifies as gay, lesbian, transgender, or bisexual and is experiencing abuse may face additional barriers and types of control connected to their gender identity or sexual orientation—like fear of being “outed” to friends, family, workplace, or community; risk of being alienated from or losing one’s ties to the LGBTQ community; or fear of not being believed if he or she comes forward about the abuse because of the myths mentioned above.  Sometimes survivors who identify as LGBTQ also share a hesitancy to reach out for help or report abuse because of the concern about bringing more negative attention to a community that is already marginalized.  It can often feel hard to know where to turn, or whether services that have traditionally been perceived as more focused on heterosexual women and their children—like those for survivors of domestic violence—will respond with open arms.

Each survivor’s needs, experiences, and background are so unique and require individualized support that meets them where they’re at.  Across all of La Casa’s services, whether it’s responding to callers 24/7/365 on our hotlines, providing individual counseling and advocacy, supporting residents in our Emergency Shelter program, or assisting survivors with legal needs, our staff and volunteers are trained to provide support around some of the more unique barriers and challenges an LGBTQ survivor may face.  As a part of the 40 hour domestic violence counselor training, and through ongoing discussion and training, La Casa’s team engages in learning about responding to and supporting LGBTQ survivors.  Through a collaborative with partner domestic violence organizations in San Francisco, our staff recently participated in a series of trainings focused on working with transgender survivors.  These trainings are just a part of more continuous learning opportunities that help ensure that La Casa’s team is supporting all survivors responsively and effectively.

As with all survivors, safety planning is a critical component—helping a survivor think about how to stay safe within the context of his or her situation, whether it’s when the violence escalates with their current partner, if encountering an abusive ex-partner on the street, or when creating an emergency bag in case fleeing becomes necessary.  For LGBTQ survivors, safety planning may include some more specific considerations.  For instance, for a transgender survivor who is taking hormones as part of her transition from male to female, including hormones in her emergency bag may be important to her ability to maintain her identity as she seeks safety.  Or because LGBTQ communities are often small or tight-knit, with few gathering places, safety planning about where it’s now safe to go may be important to a survivor who has left their abusive partner. Advocates at La Casa support all clients in exploring their unique needs, thinking about their safety, and connecting with empowering resources and information.

For more information about some of the power and control tactics LGBTQ survivors face in relation to their gender identity or sexual orientation, read here.

Our trainings at the stations take place at the start of each shift, during roll calls, when the officers gather for updates and shift assignments from their lieutenant.  La Casa visits each station on several different dates, presenting during the various roll call times—most often at 6am, 8am, 11am, 4pm, and 9pm—in order to reach the highest number of officers possible.  This series of roll call trainings is part of an ongoing effort to continually provide updated training to all of San Francisco’s police officers, and builds on several previous roll call training series at all of the district stations.

Within the context of domestic violence, isolation is often one of the many components of abuse used to exert and maintain control within the relationship.  A person experiencing abuse may be very isolated from his or her support systems or prevented from interacting with others outside of the relationship.  A police officer responding to an incident of domestic violence can therefore serve as a critical connecting point for a survivor to access services and supports, like those available through La Casa.  The opportunity to let a survivor know that confidential, free support is available, and how he or she can access that support, can be life-changing.  Through roll call trainings, La Casa equips officers with the latest tools and information about La Casa’s services, as well as updates on new laws and protections for survivors.

At all roll call trainings, La Casa also solicits officers’ feedback about their experiences connecting survivors with our services.  Shared with our team, this feedback is invaluable to the continued improvement of our work with survivors and specifically of our work in partnership with law enforcement.  In addition to helping connect survivors with La Casa—from giving them our phone number to helping them call or get to our Drop In Center if desired—officers are encouraged to call La Casa’s 24 hour crisis line themselves, as a resource for first responders.

Connecting with officers also provides us with the opportunity to inform them of the domestic violence emergency backpacks available at each station—containing items like warm hats, gloves, scarves, socks, basic toiletries, and food resources.  Officers are encouraged to give a backpack to an individual or family who may need basic items as they flee abuse and leave their belongings behind, or because of limited resources due to abuse.  As soon as a backpack is given out, La Casa will provide the station with another, so that officers can help ensure that survivors’ basic needs are met.

Read more here about La Casa’s partnership with the SFPD.

The Cleasbys were long-time residents of San Francisco, world travelers, and cared deeply about helping those in need.  Dr. Cleasby was a highly regarded ophthalmologist and Mrs. Cleasby a master gardener, and when it came time to think about their legacy, the Cleasbys turned to their passion for the health and safety of women and girls, estate planning attorney, the San Francisco Foundation, and long-time friend Cameo Jones who served as their Fund’s advisor.  After Mr. Cleasby passed away in 2011, the Foundation and Cameo set out to fulfill the couple’s wishes: “it is a great responsibility and honor to be asked by the Cleasbys,” the San Francisco Foundation quotes Cameo as saying.

We too feel that great responsibility and honor, every day, as we steward the public trust and engage domestic violence survivors of all ages with the tools and resources they need to affect change in their lives and break cycles of violence.  We are grateful.  The generosity of the Cleasbys cements La Casa’s course for stability and longevity in service to our mission.  In addition gifting $500,000 to launch our endowment, the Cleasbys’ planned gift earmarks $250,000 for much needed renovations on our emergency shelter facility—insuring its vital services for more than 400 women and children annually for years to come.

With the sustained economic down turn and increasing expenses to operate La Casa’s continuum of safety net services, planned or life cycle gifts—the Cleasbys’ is only one example—make a huge difference.  Many among us—individuals and business people—have felt and seen budgets tighten.  Some foundations, for example, impacted in the performance of their investments, have had less revenue, given fewer gifts or narrowed their giving focus.  So when we hear about your planned gift, it helps us sustain our work right now.

Read more about leaving your legacy with a planned gift.

The Scrapbook Project is open to teen girls between 13-18 years of age, whether they have witnessed domestic violence in their homes, experienced dating violence, or just want to come together for a summer of exploration, fun, and learning.  Based at La Casa’s Drop In Center, it blends workshops on topics like photography and poetry with enriching field trips like the Precita Eyes Mural Walk, introducing teens to various means of self-expression through the arts and providing experiential opportunities.  It equips participants with disposable cameras and all the supplies they need to tell their story through the scrapbook that they build over the course of the summer.  At the program’s end, the teens share a special day together at an oceanfront home in Marin, reflecting on the summer, sharing their scrapbooks, writing letters to one another, and saying goodbyes—though it’s often just the start of much longer-term friendships.

When Erica* started in the Scrapbook Project during the summer of 2012, she was initially often absent, and when she did attend, was very resistant to participating, even disruptive at times—swearing and encouraging her peers not to join in group activities.  After talking one on one with the Teen Advocate about her needs and experience, program expectations, and the kinds of support that might be helpful to her, it was like a 180 degree change.  She took a positive leadership role and built trusting relationships with some of her peers as well as the advocates, sharing that she felt more connected to her community by having a safe place to go and a new support system. 

Teens are encouraged to express their creativity and individuality through opportunities to photograph in the community, and to create visual and written content for their scrapbooks.  Woven throughout the program are explorations of topics like healthy relationships, teens’ rights within relationships, and gender roles, to build awareness and empowerment towards preventing future violence.

For teens, their peers often play a leading role—in providing support, influencing, and teaching one another about what it means to be in a friendship or intimate relationship.  Fostering healthy friendships and helping teens build positive support systems, a key protective factor against abuse, is therefore an important part of the Scrapbook Project.  Past participants have grown from sometimes-shy strangers at the program’s first meeting to strong, longtime friends by summer’s end.

If you’ve got teen girls in your life who are interested in learning more or signing up for the Scrapbook Project, please encourage them to call our Teen Program at 415-503-0500!  Or if you have arts and crafts supplies that you’d like to contribute—anything from magazines, stickers, or glitter glue to scrapbooks or disposable cameras—please email .  And read more about La Casa’s full continuum of services for teens here!

*Name changed to preserve confidentiality.

Celebrating mothers means celebrating the role that they—and all those who embody the qualities of a mom—play in our individual lives, our families, our communities, and our world.  In the fight against domestic violence, celebrating mothers means celebrating the strength and resiliency of moms who—amidst great turmoil and trauma—work to give their children safety, stability, love, and a brighter future.  It also means celebrating the role of mothers, and all adults, in creating futures for our children that are free from violence.

What does a mother—or a consistent, caring adult—mean in the life of a child?  It’s difficult to quantify.

David came to La Casa’s emergency shelter with his mother and three younger siblings.  He’s 15, clean cut, fashionably dressed, and – on his first night in our confidentially-located safehouse – clearly unhappy with his situation.  He’s sitting by himself on a bench in the entryway, staring at the floor.  His expression is hard and the tension visible in his clasped hands.

When I approach him to ask how he’s doing, he just shakes his head.  His body is rigid.

“This isn’t fun for you, I know,” I offer, testing to see if he’ll open up to me.

Suddenly, he breaks his cool. His eyes dart up to mine and he says, “He didn’t even hit her this time.  They were just arguing again.  I don’t know why we all had to come here.”

When he sees that I’m actually listening to him, his story starts to gush out.

“It was worse before.  When I was around 11 I tried to get between them to stop him when he was hitting my mom, but I was too small.  Now I know I could take him.  I would stop it.”

I see the memory of his fear flash in his eyes before he averts them again, clenching his hands. He aims his frustration back at his mother.

“I just can’t believe she made us come to a… shelter.”  He can barely get the word out.  “It’s like, I have stuff to do this weekend!  I can’t tell my friends I’m here.  My mom wouldn’t even let me bring my cell phone!”

I tell him it’s okay to feel embarrassed and upset about being here.  I agree that it’s easy to go crazy without your cell phone.  I tell him that his mom brought him here so she could get help, and that people come here when they need to be safe.

I ask him if he thinks his mom is putting his family first right now.  His expression changes again and he looks at me with pain in his eyes.

“You know that lady that’s here? That older lady?”  He’s referring to a 70 year old woman who arrived at shelter the same day as his family. “She told me she’s here because her sons don’t want her anymore, that they won’t take care of her.  She was crying.  I can’t understand that.  I just can’t.  I was taught that family comes first.  Always.”

His face softens.  Reluctantly, but with a hint of a smile, he says “Yes.”

You can make difference today for families like David’s.  Give a gift of hope and change by Celebrating Mothers this Mother’s Day.

*Recorded by a shelter advocate, with identifying details altered

Join La Casa’s 2013 Campaign: In Celebration of Mothers and recognize a women, or many woman, who’ve made a difference in your life.

When you make a contribution $25 or more to honor someone who has been YOUR refuge, YOUR advocate, and YOUR voice, your honoree will receive a personalized Mother’s Day card inscribed with your name and message of gratitude. 

Read about One Boy and His Mother and how they found hope and change in La Casa’s emergency shelter.

Launching California’s first domestic violence shelter program in 1976, La Casa de las Madres: The Home of Mothers’ founders wanted victims of domestic violence to know that our arms will welcome them – no one deserves abuse. There is another way.

Like mothers who protect us, inspire us, and champion our hopes and dreams La Casa is there for survivors 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.

• Over the past year 8,848 women, teens, children, and older adults accessed our help to become safer and stronger
• A day and night of safety. Someone who really hears you. Tools and resources to find your financial feet. Confidence in your own resilience.

Your gift will also insure that La Casa responds to another mother…woman…child…teen or older adult when they need it most. A day and night of safety and comprehensive shelter services = $73. A safety plan for a mom and her children who are not in shelter = $25. Ending the exposure of impressionable children and teens to domestic violence = priceless.

Please make a gift today. Through your generosity, we transform lives and offer new hope.

A very special thank you to the USF MBA student team that redesigned La Casa’s Mother’s Day Campaign materials through “Learning to Lead” in 2011.

Keeping a 24 hour a day, 365 day a year Emergency Shelter program and two 24 hour crisis lines going non-stop requires round-the-clock support from a dynamic team of staff and volunteers.  Whether it’s providing counseling and information to callers on the crisis lines, spending time with children while their moms attend a support group, helping to prepare a meal for residents, cleaning and organizing the shelter’s clothing closet and communal spaces, leading an activity workshop for the women or children, or talking with a resident who had a tough day, volunteers are critical in ensuring the smooth and constant functioning of these programs.  And at various points throughout the year, our shelter program receives a little extra love and beautification from groups that lend their hands to spruce up the garden, to enliven its rooms with a fresh coat of paint, to Adopt a Room, or to provide a special meal for residents.

At the Mary Elizabeth Inn and the Verona Hotel, San Francisco’s two women-only subsidized permanent housing programs for formerly homeless women, volunteers share their interests and skills through workshops for the residents.  A rich calendar of healing, community-building, and skill-building programming is vital in supporting the women to maintain their stable housing, heal from traumas, and build their stability and independence.  Volunteers provide offerings like yoga classes, book clubs, language-specific supports for non-English speaking residents, and workshops on wide-ranging topics like journaling, writing, poetry, crafts, and health and wellness.

As La Casa’s hub and administrative offices, our Drop In Center welcomes survivors seeking any of our services, for whom reaching out for help may have been a decision years in the making.  Administrative volunteers who triage needs of clients and visitors at our offices therefore play a critical role in creating a warm, welcoming, safe environment for those walking through our doors.  They also give imperative support that’s foundational to keeping our programs running—assisting with entering service data into our database so that we can track, evaluate, and report to funders on our work, and helping with a variety of administrative projects.  Volunteers in administrative capacities also provide expertise in areas like graphic design, marketing, and event planning, including helping to bring our agency newsletter and annual redHOT*party to fruition!

From providing information and education at a community event, to conducting a workshop for teens about dating violence and healthy relationships, or presenting to law enforcement officers about connecting victims with La Casa’s services, volunteers also help to educate our community and raise awareness of domestic violence.  They talk with community members through outreach events at schools, community-based organizations, businesses, housing sites, street fairs—reaching out to individuals and families of all walks of life.

La Casa’s volunteers are threaded throughout all aspects of our work, and many wear multiple hats as advocates supporting in several programs.  Before beginning to volunteer, those who wish to provide support in roles other than administrative and outreach tabling capacities must first complete La Casa’s state-required 40 hour domestic violence counselor training.  Read here for more about the various ways volunteers can give their time!

Despite the common myth that sexual assault or “real rape” only occurs between strangers, the majority of sexual assaults are in fact committed by someone the victim knows, often an intimate partner.[1]  A US Department of Justice study found that among rape survivors, 82% had known the perpetrator previously.  Another study found that sexual assault or forced sex occurs within 40-45% of abusive relationships[2], a number that is likely lower than the reality because of barriers that can make it difficult to identify or report intimate partner sexual assault.  Yet the myth that a woman cannot be raped by her husband or partner persists.  Only as recently as the 1990′s did the last of the 50 states criminalize marital rape or strike down “marital rape exemption clauses”—provisions in the criminal code that barred prosecution for the rape of one’s spouse.

As a way to gain power and control within an intimate relationship, sexual abuse can look like many different things—including forced or coerced sex with the partner or someone else; unwanted touching or harassing language; forced sex while the partner is drunk, high, or sleeping; and reproductive coercion including unwanted pregnancy, abortion, or miscarriage, birth control sabotage, or preventing the use of condoms.  It can take the shape of a guilt trip, threats to “go find it elsewhere,” or threats of violence if the partner won’t capitulate to demands for sex.

Any sexual abuse can be very difficult to identify or report, and within the context of an intimate relationship, barriers may be even higher.  For instance, a survivor might struggle to identify her or his experience as abuse or rape because of socialization to believe that sexual assault only happens between strangers, or because of shame or reluctance to see a loved or trusted partner as a perpetrator.  She or he might worry about not being believed, or about facing reproach for not being a dutiful wife or partner, upon reporting or telling others about the abuse.  Safety concerns are also very real, like the threat of retaliation or increased violence.  Among survivors of rape, those who experienced rape within an intimate relationship tend to have higher levels of physical injury and a higher frequency of multiple rapes[3].  Studies have also found that the trauma of sexual assault can deepen and be longer-lasting within the context of an intimate partnership because of factors like the repetitive and escalating nature of assaults within the cycle of violence, and the broader context of living with ongoing coercion, control, fear, intimidation, and threats from a partner.

Through La Casa’s service continuum, we respond to the needs of survivors of all types of coercion and control within intimate relationships, including sexual abuse—providing opportunities for healing through ongoing individual counseling and support groups, responding 24 hours a day to calls for help on our crisis lines, offering safe refuge in our Emergency Shelter program for those escaping violence, assisting survivors with legal processes, building bridges to other community resources, and helping survivors consider the safety of themselves and their loved ones through safety planning.  Through our community outreach and education efforts, we also work to increase awareness of and dispel the myths about sexual assault within intimate relationships, and to equip community members with the tools to recognize it and reach out for help if needed.

Observed nationally, SAAM aims to raise public awareness about sexual violence and to educate communities and individuals on how to prevent sexual violence.  In addition to our ongoing outreach and educational efforts, including social medial posts on our Facebook and Twitter, on April 27^th La Casa will participate in San Francisco Women Against Rape’s annual Walk Against Rape to raise our voice against sexual assault and connect with community members about the supports available through La Casa.  Find more information and resources related to SAAM here, and follow us on Facebook and Twitter for tidbits throughout the month!

The workshop material is rooted in an understanding of the unique financial challenges and barriers a survivor of domestic violence might face, like being prevented from working, prohibited from accessing to her own earnings or the family’s resources, having negative or no rental history, or experiencing purposeful damage to her credit as ways to exert control and limit her options.  Workshop participants learn about community resources and strategies for improving their financial stability, including ways to separate finances that had been combined with their partner’s.  A survivor of domestic violence who has left her abusive relationship or who is taking strides to increase her financial independence might be gaining control of her finances for the first time—or after an extended period of economic abuse.  Empowerment to address financial issues and increase financial stability can be essential to regaining control, safety, and stability in her life.    

Each Economic Empowerment workshop series is comprised of three classes, with skilled, accessible instruction from financial coaches.  Participants learn about a range of topics—budgeting and financial goal setting, identifying and avoiding money traps, managing debt, obtaining and cleaning up their credit report, and learning about resources to help support options and increased stability.

Through a Latino Community Foundation award, La Casa just concluded a second of two series offered in Spanish and available to the wider community, in addition to the survivors La Casa serves.  Participants are also receiving individual financial counseling to build on the workshops and provide more in-depth support around their specific needs.  And a grant through the US Department of Justice’s Office of Violence Against Women will support eight additional series.  Also open to the wider community, these eight series will be delivered alternatingly in English and Spanish over the next two years beginning this spring.    

One workshop participant shared a sense of expanded options and opportunities.  “We have many options now.  Now I know how I can increase my money, which is important because I am going to be a single mother.”

Another workshop participant shared that she “particularly enjoyed getting information at the beginning about possible paths to home ownership.  It wasn’t the first thing on my mind when coming to the workshop, but I found that it helped me be hopeful about the future, which actually made it easier to take in and process all the information.”

To read more about the original Economic Empowerment workshop series offered to clients at La Casa’s Drop In Center, Emergency Shelter Program, the Mary Elizabeth Inn, and the Verona Hotel, click here.